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Brexit: Leading remainer loses his mind

A recording of a prominent remainer berating leave campaigners and voters has been leaked to Chess For Animals. The seemingly troubled remainer begins his tirade by calling the leavers "ungrateful vermin" and ends it by stating Brexit "will be reversed" through the People's Vote.

"Bless you European Union; without your twinkling stars guiding me through these dark cobbled streets, I would surely be lost. It brings me so much comfort when I feel your hand on mine and I know my countrymen and women feel the... What is happening... You ungrateful vermin, what have you done!

Do you understand the severe harm you've just inflicted on yourselves? Do you like recession? Do you like losing your jobs? And all of this, for a sea of white faces every time you walk out the front door.

Collectively you've had a sort of nationalist, populist spasm, but it's ok, I'm here now and I forgive you. After all, how could I hold it against you when you were so easily fooled by their false promises and outright lies. The Kremlin's puppets have stitched you right up, and whilst they stuff their pockets with Russian gold, here you are lying in a puddle of your own excrement.

You look confused, so let me help you my children. A Russian estate agent has tricked you into buying a house which may not have a sink, may not even have any rooms to put a sink in, may not have a house and therefore no rooms and therefore no sinks. Do you now understand what you've done, scary isn't it?

Don't panic though, I can make it all go away; Brexit can be reversed, it must be reversed and it will be reversed with a second ref... The People's Vote."

-Ben Grayling


© Chess For Animals 2018